


ka makuahine a me ke keikikane

by icoulddothisallday



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Codependency, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Episode: s07e07 Ka Makuahine A Me Ke Keikikane (Mother and Son), Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Pre-Slash, Sharing a Bed, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-13 17:44:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17492354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icoulddothisallday/pseuds/icoulddothisallday
Summary: Steve's been hurt. Danny's there.A coda to s07e07: Ka Makuahine A Me Ke Keikikane (Mother and Son).





	ka makuahine a me ke keikikane

**Author's Note:**

> Please mind the tags.

Danny’s waiting when Steve gets home. He’s in the living room, where the remnants of the ruined dinner with Lynn remain. The battered suitcase Danny flies with is sitting by the door — he must have come straight from the airport. He looks up when Steve opens the door, but doesn’t say anything. 

Dropping his duffel alongside Danny’s bag, Steve makes his way to the couch. He collapses next to Danny on the couch and Danny’s arm immediately comes around him. A part of his brain tells him this isn’t normal, that this isn’t how men are friends. It sounds a lot like Doris. 

“Lou called,” Danny says softly. “He was worried.”

Steve lets his head fall back against the back of the couch. He doesn’t say anything. 

“I hate that you were alone with her.” Danny’s voice has gone low and rough, serious and steady in a way he rarely is. Usually it’s bluster and sarcasm and pointed remarks. Not when they talk about Doris, though. Never when they talk about Doris. 

Not that they do, really. Steve doesn’t know how to talk about Doris.

He closes his eyes. “She apologized.” 

“For what?” Danny huffs, voice raising. He sounds more like himself again. “For leaving? For forcing you to rescue her again? For lying to you for 20 years? For a lifetime of emotional abuse?”

Steve shrugs, shrinking in on himself. He hates that description,  _ abuse.  _ Danny’s used it before. 

It’s easier to take when he thinks about his Dad. When there are scars to see in the mirror, however faint they might be now, he can admit it’s abuse. The way Doris was, what Doris did...that’s harder. It’s harder because it keeps fucking going and if he says that the way she manipulated him and left him when he was a child was abuse, then what’s he saying about himself now?

He shakes his head, shrugs again, doesn’t know what to say. 

Danny’s hand tightens on his shoulder. 

“I hate that woman,” Danny seethes. Steve flinches. She’s still his mother. He still loves her. He’s pretty sure she loves him. Maybe. In her own way. But — 

“I wasn’t going to go,” he admits. Danny turns to him, eyebrows raised. “I told Cath no.”

Steve can actually hear Danny’s teeth clench under the force of his jaw working. Danny’s free hand flies up and he sits up a little straighter, “Fuck that, Steve.  _ Fuck that.  _ You don’t own either of them anything and Catherine has no fucking right to try and tell you what you should or shouldn’t do when it comes to Doris. Does she even have any idea what that woman did to you?”

No one has any idea what Doris did to him, or what John did, for that matter. Danny’s the only one. Lifting his head, Steve rubs his forehead. The flights from Morocco had taken over a day. He’d hardly slept. He’s fucking exhausted. 

And yet, somehow, it’s a relief to hear Danny’s anger, to feel the tense lines of his body. It takes away the responsibility of having to feel anything at all. 

“She said she would have said yes,” Steve mumbles, a little nonsensically. “If I’d asked.”

Danny follows somehow. “That bitch,” he swears. “I mean. First off, let’s start with you Steven because why would you ask that, huh?” Steve always hated it when his mom called him Steven. He doesn’t mind it from Danny. “That is just asking to be hurt, you idiot. But given that I am never going to convince you to act in your best interests and it’s too late for that particular failing endeavor, what the hell was she thinking telling you that? That’s not fucking fair.”

It’s not. Steve still loves her. He thinks he’ll always love her. Losing her hurt worse than having his liver carved out, worse than shattered bones and gut wounds. To think he could have had her forever, if he’d only  _ asked.  _

He can’t quite breathe through the pain of that. 

He knows he’s not making any sense, that his conversation is wandering all over the place, but Danny’s never minded. He never cares when Steve can’t focus or when Steve focuses too hard. He always knows what Steve’s trying to say. 

“I have to break up with Lynn.”

Danny actually stops for a breath and turns to look at him, considering. 

“Yeah?”

“She deserves better than being my second choice.”  _ My third choice _ , Steve thinks, rolling his head so he can lean it on Danny’s shoulder. It’s an awkward angle because Danny’s so short. Steve doesn’t mind. Steve never minds. 

They’re quiet for a while after that. Steve’s breaths start to slow, his eyes get a little heavy. He’s not quite awake when he asks, “Do you think she ever really loved me?”

“I don’t know, babe,” Danny says immediately. And then, brutally honest, the way Steve knows he can trust Danny to be, “I don’t really know if Doris is capable.”

Steve nods. He’s too tired for that to hurt. It’s just the truth. It just is. 

“C’mon, you,” Danny says gently. “Let’s get you to bed.”

Danny can’t really help Steve up the stairs and Steve doesn’t really need it, even though his body aches and his head throbs and he’s tired to his very core. Mostly they just walk so close to each other they’re hindering more than helping. 

When they reach the bedroom, they both strip to boxers and t-shirts and slide into the bed without comment. They’ve done it before, on bad nights — his or Danny’s. Steve knows it’s not normal, that it’s outside the bounds of regular friendships. 

He can’t bring himself to care.

*

_ Steve can’t breathe, he can’t fucking breathe, there’s water in his mouth and his nose and a rag pressed against his face and his chest burns and he can’t fucking breathe _

_ Hands are on him and he doesn’t know who they belong to only that they hurt, that they shove and pull and cut even as the water stops coming and  _

_ Doris is in the corner, eyes hooded _

_ He tries to tell her to run, to go, but the rag hits his face and water pours into him and they force his head back and back and back until he doesn’t know what way is up and  _

_ Wo Fat’s in front of him, tin bucket and dirty washcloth and nothing in his eyes _

_ Doris is in the corner, lips pursed _

_ And Steve can’t see and he can’t breathe and the water is dirty and the cloth makes him gag and he can’t fucking move, his fucking hands are strapped, his legs immobile, and he can’t fight, he can’t get free _

_ “Help,” he gasps, coming up, “Ma, help” _

_ Doris is behind Wo Fat, a hand on his shoulder _

_ He’s holding the cattle prod _

_ “Good boy,” she says, “You were always so strong, you always did what needed to be done” _

_ Pain shoots through Steve, his whole body seizes, he throws himself away from the source, but he can’t, he’s held fast  _

_ “This one was never smart enough, never strong enough,” Doris says, “I should have stayed with you” _

_ Agony overcomes him again and he can’t help the scream that escapes him _

_ “I’ll always come back to you,” she says, her hand on his shoulder. “I’ll always come back for you” _

_ Steve screams and screams and screams  _

*

“Babe,  _ babe,  _ wake up. C’mon. Steve.” 

Steve comes back to Danny’s worried voice and his nervous blue eyes, shadowed by the gloom. Steve reaches out with a shaky hand and Danny crowds close, wrapping arms around him. Steve buries his face in Danny’s shoulder and shakes, and shakes, and shakes. 

“That’s it, I’m right here. We’re good, we’re good.”

“She hurt me,” Steve gasps. 

“I know,” Danny whispers, clutching him closer. “I know, babe.”

Steve closes his eyes, feeling tears seep out from beneath his eyelids. Danny cards his fingers into the hair at Steve’s nape, damp with sweat from his nightmare. 

“She hurt me,” Steve says softer, voice breaking. Everything hurts too much to feel ashamed about that. And anyway, it’s just Danny. 

“I’m sorry, pal. I’m so sorry.” 

Steve holds on tighter and Danny doesn’t let go. Danny never lets go. 

They stay there a long time, until Steve’s tremors start to fade, until his body gets heavy again. 

Too tired and spent to filter himself, Steve mumbles, “Don’t hurt me.”

Danny pets his back. “I won’t.” 

Steve believes him.

_ fin.  _

 

**Author's Note:**

> Come hang with me on [tumblr](https://icoulddthisallday.tumblr.com).


End file.
